Chapter 4: Choosing your Inner Circle ⭕️

Hi Bub,

How's it going? How was your week?

I had a pretty good week myself, though I spent most of it recovering from my LASIK eye surgery. Feeling much better now, and I can see clearly! I'm incredibly grateful that I was able to do this for myself.

Before I dive in, I want to express my gratitude to you for taking the time to read my letters. I'm thrilled to hear that you're enjoying them, and I enjoy jotting down my thoughts for you each time.

This week, I ventured out more than usual and also indulged in some much-needed me-time—both rare occurrences for me. I treated myself to lunch at my favorite spot in Mumbai, nestled by the beach. It was refreshing and wonderfully peaceful. I've always found solace near any body of water; the beach, in particular, is my favorite place to be.

If I could, I'd live near a beach for the rest of my days.

It's tempting to stay home and cozy up for extended periods—I'm quite the homebody myself and can go days without venturing out. However, I've come to realize that by the end of the week, I often feel drained. So, I'm grateful for these small changes I'm making!

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What’s on my mind?💭

The importance of your inner circle

In my last newsletter, I touched on the topic of health, and I genuinely hope you're making progress on your journey to discovering your 'why.' Today, I want to discuss the importance of your 'inner circle.'

When I read your messages, you often tell me that you’re lonely, don’t have any friends, or have been betrayed by many friends. You either have no inner circle or there is a lot of chaos in your current friendships.

I know this may seem strange because people often assume that I have a very active social life filled with plans on the weekends. But, I have never had a HUGE friend’s group. I’ve always had a small inner circle of my best girlfriends.

I truly believe that having those 2-3 best girlfriends can improve your life. Now you may ask “Mals, how do I identify genuine friends?”

Ask yourself these questions…

• Who are you spending most of your time with?

• Are they your ride or die?

• Do they want the absolute best for you?

• Are they good listeners?

• Do they stir up drama all the time?

• Do they end up causing you pain?

• Do you fight with them more often than not?

• Have they made you cry?

• Does your family approve of these friends?

• Are they jealous of you and your life?

• Can you go to them at any point?

• Can you trust them?

• Have they genuinely been there for you in your time of need?

• Are you at peace when they’re not around?

I need you to answer these truthfully. As if nobody was ever going to read these answers and judge you for them.

I realized that the reason I am standing tall today has a lot to do with the peers I hung out with in my 20s and carry forward into my 30s.

You know, I'm not much of a drinker (I truly dislike the taste of alcohol), I've never touched a cigarette, and I don't smoke weed, etc. These might seem like minor things to some, but the habits of those in your inner circle often become your own. We tend to mirror the behaviors of the people we spend the most time with.

If you find yourself adopting any of the above habits, there's a chance you picked them up from friends. As they continue these habits, you might, too. Our circle can either reinforce or challenge our habits and personality traits, whether positive or negative.

How to identify these groups? I would start by noticing their habits. 

Drinking alcohol excessively, smoking, bullying, disrespect, using cuss words… 

If you find yourself doing any of the above, it’s time to take a step back and observe yourself. 

Consider this scenario: Person A enjoys smoking and drinking regularly, with their ideal Saturday night revolving around clubbing and partying. Person B, on the other hand, prefers early morning workouts, abstains from smoking and drinking, and prioritizes their health. These two individuals may struggle to form a genuine connection because their lifestyles conflict. Person A prioritizes late-night parties over early-morning meetups, while Person B wouldn't engage in conversation over a smoke break.

So neither are being judgmental about each other’s choices, they are just very different people. If your core values do not align with your closest circle then you’re never going to find solidarity in that relationship.

Look, I can’t tell you how to live your life but doing these things aren’t “cool”, my babe. 

Neither is it ANY good for your health. So, in short, drop it. 

There’s no sugar coating this. Those habits are terrible and you need to decide what’s best for you. 

See, your habits dictate your life and how you ‘feel’ everyday has a LOT to do with your habits. 

Their values are just as significant as yours. Their activities during leisure time can reveal much about their character.

Back when I was in college, I had a very dramatic, chaotic best friend when I was in my teens. I looked up to her in many ways. I thought she was super cool and I wanted to be her best friend forever. Turns out, she caused a ton of drama and pain in my life and I didn’t even see it until my family pointed it out to me. I got so lost in the friendship that everything else blurred out. I’m so grateful for having “quit” that friendship because my life was SO much better and peaceful after that.

Losing friendships is tough, but you need to sit with that pain for a while. Ride it out and see how you feel.

Many settle for mediocre relationships or friendships because they fear being alone or worry they won't find better.

You really need to learn to sit in your pain and see where it takes you. 

It’s magical. You will see things you’ve never seen before, you will start to understand what truly matters, that YOU truly matter.  

Who you chose to give your energy to is of utmost importance. 

If your inner circle can influence big decisions in your life, you want to make sure that they are the BEST damn people. 

Rational, practical, empathetic, knowledgeable in the areas that you aren’t. You need to be able to grow together and be together in the highs and lows of life. 

Life is long and you want to spend it with your most favorite people. You want to grow old with these people and maybe your children will be besties too! (If you ever decide to have babies that is) 

Building connections is vital to your life. Don’t run away from building connections just because a few bad ones scarred you. It’s not worth it. 

I was able to get through my separation ONLY because of my best friend and my mum. They were my pillars. They shared my pain, they cried with me, they laughed with me. They are the reason I’m standing tall today. I didn’t battle my pain alone, I had armors to protect and fight for me - and this only your closest people will do for you. 

They are my inner circle. 

I want to encourage you to step out and try taking some workshops (there are some fun classes / workshops available on the Bookmyshow app) go for whatever peaks your interest. I promise you, you will find like-minded amazing souls that are willing to be a part of your life. 

Bible verse of the week

Proverbs 12:26 “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray."

Joshua 1:5 - No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

If you’re wondering about Friendship🤍

Here’s a 10-minute audio clip from Jordan Peterson.

He’s one of the finest and most brilliant clinical psychologists of our time. He creates a dent in the universe with his opinions.

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A meal I enjoyed this week☕️

Took myself out to Lunch at SoHo House, Mumbai

Had an Affogato - it’s vanilla ice cream and a shot of espresso! It’s delish!

I also went out for a work meeting with Veronica, my bestie at Subko, Bandra (my inner circle gal)

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Weekly Finds🔎

• Movie🎥: I have two recommendations for you this week! Both are easy watches to help you unwind.

Teri baton mein aisa uljah Jiya - Lighthearted movie! It’s Great if you want to simply enjoy a film and not think too much about it. It’s a comedy and it helps when the protagonist is extremely good-looking 👀 (Any Shahid Kapoor fans in the house?)

Fighter - Such a fun watch. I love watching Deepika on screen, she’s an absolute angel. I loved how the romance was not forced here, it was such refreshing to see admiration between 2 people, rather than your usual ‘lusty’ romance.

• Purchases🛍️: This is a great purchase from Amazon - Straw caps! Since we’re all using metal straws now, we need straw caps! Don’t leave your straws open.🍹

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Penny for your thoughts🗒️

Leaving you with a question to journal about.

Who are your ride-or-die people and what do you love about them the most?

I want you to text it to them and let them know how valued they are in your life 😇

That’s all from me this week, see you next sunday! 💕

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If you want to reach out to me on my Instagram: @malvikasitlaniofficial

For some beauty-related content, here are my latest YouTube videos👇🏼

• Brown Smokey Eye + Life updates

• Trying makeup worth INR 80,000!

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